I'm Fara. 15 years old. PMR just fucking get lost from my life few weeks back.
I'm not a simple person. I'm rather complicated, or my buds call it RUMIT.
You found me gedit nak mampos, but I listen to hardrock song.
I'm the only child in my family. Not much a spoiled-brat, but people think so.
and I agreed.



I live in Chukai. A very simple town in Terengganu. Not so loco, nor so advance.
Just going fine with every facilities that could satisfied my need except for my fangirl-hunger. D:



My life is quite awesome. but just like any other humankind, my life is unfair.
I have eight close friends. aah. But I hardly fit in with each of them.
There is always the minus and the plus that I need to take in behaving myself.
Yes, I do love them. Not more, not less. Just loving the way they are, and hopefully they would willing to love me the way I am.

I'm not a rich dude. and I found that I am quite a pathetic heck to be friend with those richies.
D: OK, my life is BORING compared to theirs.
I'll never fit in when it comes to finance things. Ok, fine. I'm not that poor.
I still could afford RM100++ for a box of The GazettE's single which I found quite cool.
BUT, I don't use expensive things. I'm a very low-profiled person when it comes to fashion.
Oh, I am. That is a fact people should understand.
One thing, you'll get kicked-off with my priority on gadgets. I am trained by Dad.

I HATE IT when people want to condemn my life.
SHUT THE FUCK UP. I don't care if you think burning off RM300++ for a concert dvd is such a waste of money. I don't give a damn, asshole.
MY LIFE MEANS MINE. MINE MEANS NOT YOURS. SO, FUCKING GET LOST. ok?

Fangirling has been a part of my life since I was 13.
I was influenced by a friend. You call her Nad.
My first crush was Kadaj from Final Fantasy. & there come Gackt-san.
& afterward only I knew The GazettE. & I BEGAN TO LEARN ON HOW TO LOVE RUKI.

I've been loving him for almost two years. ;w; I love him soo soo much.
I'm a stupid fangirl. I called myself that.
I already cried myself few times when I saw ring on his ring-finger
& ohh, when I heard about Taka-sayangg had a relationship with Katrina Nose.
Since then, I hate her. Idk if it is true, but I hate Katrina.
I could just ripped off her face from the fashion magazine that I left dumped in my room.
I JUST HATE HER. Hate her so much that if possible I don't want to see her printed in magazines that I like. agh.



I love Ruki so much that I got hurt when everyone is fangirling him. I don't like it.
It breaks me. I just agh, don't know what is wrong with me.
I supposed to be happy. Isn't it? But I'm a fool.
& Ruki hates stupid girls which is certainly me. ME.
I am the stupid one that he would hate.
I envy Ruki's songs. I mean, there's always a love story darted in there.
& the story wasn't about he & me. Wasn't about us. T__T
I am pathethic & I knew it indeed, very well.



ok. I can't live without him. I feel lost without his songs.
I need his lyrics, his words.
I could not survive a day without listening to his giggle-snort.
Which I certainly stuffed in into my phone that it gone all packed in gallery.
I am obsessed. OBSESSED of him. OBSESSION could kill.
& this is how Ruki would kill me slowly.



My dream is too dreamy, too high, too imaginary, too ah, too everything.
I knew it already, I'll never achieve it.
Despite how hard I had & I will try to reach it, my dream would go higher.
UNREACHABLE.
Because I'm a fool that I want to have him all by myself.
Because I'm the bastard that keep on having him as my life-partner in my mind.
Because I'm the bitch that had a dream of him hugging me close, too close that I could hear him sniffing in tears.
I feel like BREAKING.




I will never ever survive without him.
I can't live without him.
Without his songs, words, voices, giggles, chuckles, smiles, winks, stares, glares.
I just can't.
Because he is the drug that I can not quit.
He is the sin that I've been lingering with in my days.
He is the sex of my mind.
and because he is the one that I love, love and love without an end.
& to know he will never love me back, it wrenches my heart.




The pains, suffers, hurts.
Made me love him more.
Made me crazier about him.
& I would even cry to think about us, that will never be an US.
Cries, it heals the wound.
But the wound is just soo addictive, that I couldn't stop to hurt myself with Ruki.



I just, don't want to stay away from him.
At least, let me hear his voices & look into his eyes.
So deep that I found myself stuck between imagination & reality.
The imagination which is too fragile to be relied on,
& the reality which is too hurtful to live with.

Don't take me away from him. At least, my fangirling days.

Please don't. He is everything to me.
Just a single everything that I couldn't breathe without.
That I couldn't smile without.
That I couldn't LIVE WITHOUT.




Simple, let me stay here.
Never will I mind to get stuck between.
Let me stay.
Hearing his songs that would even lull me to my death.


I love Ruki.
Too strong that it got rotten in here even without his sound of breathes.




;w; Simple isn't it? Never let me gone to boarding school please. D:
It affects me like hell. Fucking hell. Because it's all about me & my pyschotism.