Ouch. I'm going through a very tough phase of my life right now. I can't believe this is really happening to me. I thought it only happens in those pages of papers you call angst novel, but no, it really is happening in my life. In just a blink of an eye, a heave of frustration clung around me, a thunder of sadness struck on me, and a bizarre of anger molding angrily inside of me. This is more like a nightmare. What the hell is going on?? Can anyone tell me please? I'm just a clueless 16 years old girl who seems like couldn't yet find her own way out of this maze. Ahh. Life is unfair, always is. But as Ena said ; everything happens for a reason.

Understanding doesn't always mean accepting, right? Why oh why. I can't take this any further. I hate the fact that I will be going for a massive turning point in my life. Everything is going to change afterwards, I might live better in the future, but not as better as what I had in the past. Past is always the sweetest thing. Even I felt the pain, but when I looked back the pain always be the sweetest drop of honey. But I really don't know this time, will the pain I'm drowning in right now will be another treat of sugary feeling when I look back one day? *sigh* I could keep sighing and sighing, crying and crying, breaking down and breaking down, but I can't change the presence or perhaps the future too.

I need to breath. Breathe and breathe. What do I do now? Staring at my own reason of living breaking apart just like that? The more I think of it, the more everything seems to slip from my clutch. I can't hold anything together anymore, I only crush them worse. If only I can fix everything up and give it a magical touch that will heal all the injuries and dissolves the stitched wounds. But I guess I just can't. I'm apathetic. I live in my own world of anguish and selfishness all this while without giving a damn what is really revolving around me. And now I can't take back the already gone time, there's nothing left to be fix. Just bruises that knotted the veins underneath the skin, not healing and only gotten worse each day. They say wound heals, but I guess it's not. How do it heals when all I ever did was sitting there and rubbing handful of salts onto the wounds? Thinking of killing the unwanted viruses, but in fact I'm making things worse. Oh God, how I wish this never happen to me. I wanted to be happy too, like everyone else do. But I just can't right?

P/S: This is just an emotional babbling entry. I'm poetic when I'm being emotional which mean I seriously am.

Listening to : PLEDGE || the GazettE